FOMO & JOMO
Fear Of Missing Out VS. Joy Of Missing Out?
This was stuck in my drafts for a few months, and today I felt it was a good day to share these feelings and ask this question.
I recently had a discussion about this with several friends. There are many layers to the questions of Fear of Missing Out vs Joy Of Missing Out.
I was fortunate not to have social media while growing up. I'm not sure I could handle being a young teen in the era of social media today, and I salute all who are going through it.
Back in the '90s, when I was in high school, we would tell our friends to meet us at a certain spot and time, and we’d show up as planned. When we went to parties, there were no phones sharing where we were or whose house we were at. We enjoyed everything at our own pace, so it was harder to experience FOMO (fear of missing out). Of course, if you weren't invited to something, the pain of being left out felt just as intense as it does today.
On this topic, a friend of mine coined the term JOMO—"joy of missing out." I find this concept beautiful, being joyful in what you choose to do. This idea resonates deeply with my business life, especially when I decide whether to participate in NYFW shows, international shows or attend fashion events.
In my book Embracing The Calm In The Chaos I wrote in Chapter 7 called “Live The Dream, It’s important to celebrate the milestones in your career in order to stay motivated and keep the momentum going.” On page 69, “There are definitely schools of thought within the fashion industry that say a designer’s debut show should come earlier in his or her career, but that wasn’t my path, and that’s okay. Whatever step you’re taking in your journey, it has to be right for you and make sense for your brand. What made sense for me was selling to retail stores, collaborating with different companies and charitable organizations, and licensing in other countries. I would not send BOY MEETS GIRL® down an official runway until I felt ready in my gut. My friend Katya Libin, cofounder of HeyMama, echoed this sentiment: “As an entrepreneur, often, you have to move a bit slower to achieve success in certain areas, which may sound counterproductive when you’re thinking about growing a business, but it’s better not to rush to get to a specific point. You have to possess the confidence to believe in yourself and take that huge leap of faith.”
Here is my first BOY MEETS GIRL® solo Fashion Week show, which I presented on the runway in Los Angeles 14 years ago! More about collaborations, events, and Fashion Weeks in my book too.
One of my former employees, Michelle (whom I adore), once said, "There will always be another fashion week." This is so important to understand when you're seeing the noise on social media, which didn't exist when I had my first show in 2009. Since 2009, my brand has done over a dozen + NYFW and PFW shows and events! When I'm not participating in a fashion week with my brand, it's important for me to find the joy I've always had for fashion and appreciate my friends' shows while choosing not to show during that particular season. It can be hard to find that place, but when you do, it really is incredible, and you feel free.
Above are some highlights from NYFW events with my brand BOY MEETS GIRL.
Since writing my book, I've shared more vulnerable stories that have resonated with many of my readers. I feel it's important to share these moments, as not everything is glitz and glamour like my shows above.
Earlier this year, there was an event I felt I should be at, but I wasn't invited. Friends I had introduced to the organizer went, and I had a moment of thinking, "Wait, I should have been there. Why wasn't I asked?" I felt a pang of FOMO, but I quickly moved on with my day because that energy isn't good for my overall well-being.
And guess what? When I let go of that feeling, I found an email in my inbox nominating me for an award! By redirecting my energy away from something so trivial, I received a positive note that reassured me I was on the right path. Perhaps the event I thought I should be at wasn't the right place for my energy at that moment. And because I waited to write this for so long I really cannot recall what the event was lol!
I thought this video was important to share about maintaining your confidence always!
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This brings me to the importance of setting out what makes you happy. I know you want to go to everything—if you're like me, I do too. However, I've chosen to attend only events that bring me joy, connect me with friends I'm happy to see, and involve like-minded business leaders.
I've realized that I can't be everywhere, and that's something I've had to accept while raising a child, running a business, and being there for my family. It took me so long to come to this place, but as a business owner and a mom who loves people and experiences, it's something I have to do for my overall well-being and for my family's happiness as well as mine.
#hopethishelps :)
Last note: today, I ran into Francesco Bilotto in NYC. I was talking to a friend when I heard "BOY MEETS GIRL®! BOY MEETS GIRL®!" I turned my head and said, "That's me!" It was Francesco! It was a very special NYC moment.
If you missed this segment with Francesco sharing my brand and our Stop Hate campaign, check it out here. The shirt I'm wearing below at
authors party, featured in Francesco’s segment, is still a winner and carries an important message: Stop Bullying, End Hate, Be Nice. That’s it. Bye. Below are some of the founding members of Artists Against Antisemitism, a group I am proud to be a part of. For many of us, it was our first time meeting each other. They are all incredible authors, and I will share more about them in a future newsletter.
P.S. If you see a lot of '90s Kate Moss and Johnny Depp imagery in this post, I loved their style back then. I've always shared it since I started my blog here in 2008.
XO,
Stacy
Love this—I need more JOMO and less FOMO! Also so glad we got to see each other in person twice in the last few weeks! Thanks so much for sharing this! xo!